SO, I was out for a ride today (I do actually do other things, it's just that I had a short adventure) to... buy cereal and the paper and do things that normal people do. We'll go with that. It started out ok, I made it out onto the street, I managed not to fall over and break my shoulder again at the intersection, but then I got onto the highway into the city. There is a decent hill heading into town and I ride this bike:
Now, you might say: "Thats not a real bike you pussy! LOLZ!" which would make you a retard for saying LOLZ out loud. So there. Anyway, I was also wearing a backpack, which is not normally a problem because they tend to be pretty aerodynamic, expecially when hidden from the wind behind my body, HOWEVER, on this particular day my straps were a little loose and as I sped up to approach the hill my bag began to flap about and resist the air like a parachute on a hill that ALREADY openly opposes my passage to town. Ive had problems on this hill before, mostly with my forgetting to turn the fuel tap on and it being just the right distance for me to use up the fuel in my fuel line. We are getting along better these days, but I still approach it warily.
After going to one shop and discovering it did NOT stock a very large range of something that was IN ITS NAME. (I'll update about what exacltly I was buying because it is a friend's christmas present and he may be one of the only people likely to read this at this point) Some fucking *BLANK* *BLANK*. SO after I drove into town and tried to park in the car park, with limited success (because my bike is small and light enough to hide in the shadow of a bumblebee the damn induction coils designed to tell the ticket machine someone is waiting didnt notice me and one of the operators had to come down and put a peice of metal on the ground >.< ) I FINALLY (it was feeling like a long trip at this point) found what I was looking for at a little shop around the corner, although the shop keeper had inch long dark yellow fingernails and couldnt hear what I was saying due to his age it was still a decent little *BLANK* shop. From there I travelled to the supermarket to buy cereal and tim tams, because they are like kryptonite to me. Im eating them right now. Now you may be saying "Kryptonite makes Superman weak! he avoids it at all costs!" or something to that end, even though Superman makes almost ZERO effort to avoid Kryptonite in reality because Superman blunders blindly into everything without taking the time to check if there is a Kryptonite bomb somewhere, or lets the villain open a box of Kryptonite at him or fails to notice that a WHOLE DAMN ISLAND is made of Kryptonite
Superman: "... I'm sure it's just mint or something "
That is beside the point. I am a human, not a Krytonian, so Kryptonite gives me mutant powers, or gets me addicted, not hurts me. I'M WEAKENED WITHOUT IT. I like Superman, but he really needs to start thinking things through.
Now, while I was talking about Superman me in the story has progressed through the supermarket (why is everything super?) and is waiting at the traffic lights to turn down some road because he feels like it and lo and behold guess what drives past me. No really, guess. I'll wait. If you guess one of the dune buggies from GTA: Vice City, you are a winner! congratulations to you. It was one of the most awesome vehicles I have seen in quite a while. I was VERY jealous. I can't quite get across the coolness of this vehicle in writing, so I want you to imagine one of the dune buggies from Vice City in real life and multiply how awesome it is by 14. Thats about how I felt. the rest of my journey was uneventful apart from my awesome timing when sliplane-ing into the highway and turning right just as the lights turned green into my street. Seeing as that's a Boring (note the capital 'B') way to end a post, I'll leave you instead with this picture I found when i googled "Awesome"
Till next time!
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